6 Months on a Screen - Lauren Curr

Today I had my first therapy appointment face-to-face. I’ve been seeing a therapist since January and for the first time in my life and long list of past therapists, she’s a great match for me. She understands every significant part of my life, from being queer to being disabled, and that’s so important – I don’t know how I was meant to heal with past therapists when they didn’t understand such core parts of my being.

Meeting in person gave me some intense anxiety; the last face-to-face session I had was with said therapists, so it’s safe to say I don’t find glory in those experiences; I also haven’t seen anyone outside of my family in person for quite some time, so the idea of social interaction in person felt new to me – I’m usually quite extroverted (though anxious) but it’s safe to say that lockdown has meant my confidence has taken a bit of a hit; I was anxious about… being me. My therapist has only ever seen my head so the idea of seeing me as a whole made me feel rather vulnerable and I didn’t quite know how to process that.

But…everything was okay. I was me and that was enough. I got to the appointment and I didn’t feel awkward; the conversation flowed as it did behind the screen and even my bold hand gestures and inability to look someone in the eye for more than a split second didn’t have me overthinking, it just was a part of the social dynamic.

I guess this is a little reminder that things will be okay. We’re all dreading social contact and I wanted to speak of my own positive experience. There is hope. And remember: It’s okay to set boundaries in social situations, be that mask etiquette or your needs on making sure you are mentally coping okay throughout the experience.

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Lauren Curr is a 22 year old disabled and queer writer from Surrey, England, where they attend Royal Holloway, University of London to study English Literature and Philosophy. They identify as a non-binary lesbian and use they/them pronouns. They predominantly write poetry and pieces of political activism and run the Instagram account @holaurgraphic to do so. They are also active on twitter with the account @celestialaur.