The Relapse - Lauren Curr

TW: alcoholism

I recently started watching Grey’s Anatomy and to say I whizzed through it is a bit of an understatement; it’s my current hyperfixation (as I am neurodivergent) and I quite literally am living and breathing Grey’s right now.

It was only a few weeks ago, in one of the earliest seasons, when one of the one-off characters asked Richard Webber, the Chief of Surgery, if he had been to any meetings recently; as a Child of an Alcoholic, I immediately knew that they were talking about AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meetings. Following this, I proceeded to ask my friends about potential triggers due to suffering from PTSD related to alcoholism, but I glided through the seasons and forgot about it until I reached the episode; the relapse. It caught me off guard and I didn’t react well, but once I had composed myself, I proceeded with caution and kept on watching the series, and it was my reaction that had me thinking…

As Meredith kept the Chief’s secret, I internally shouted ‘WHY AREN’T YOU DOING ANYTHING!’, perhaps as a reaction to the risk, having lived through the medical death of a loved one (and fortunately resuscitation, but the trauma of the experience still stands), perhaps as a reaction knowing the complications that could impact other people (I don’t think I should have to clarify this, but surgery should not be performed drunk). But despite this initial reaction, I couldn’t help but think back to my own childhood; I was the child who lied to social services, as was my sister. We were the ones that tidied the house within an inch of it’s life. We were the children that hid the bottles where no one else would think to look. We were the ones who painted the picture of a perfect family, despite the reality being the exact opposite, to save my mother’s back and not allow them to take us away from her, and upon reflection, I don’t think I’d change that. When you’re in that situation, it’s different, it really is. Unless you are the child (or other family member) of an alcoholic, you could never imagine what it’s like, how to respond, and you cannot judge our family situation, either. That’s another reason I am resentful at Derek’s reaction, how he reacts so judgementally and aggressively to begin with, whilst (at the time) presenting no solution, no intervention, just judgement.

I found myself crying when a few episodes on, Richard Webber said ‘I am 60 days clean’. I know how momentous every milestone is, and despite him being a fictional character, I was so proud of him.

Alcoholism is a disease – just like any physical condition, it is an illness. Alcoholics are so widely judged and criticised, and even treated as lesser, like they have control over their illness, but they don’t. They shouldn’t be denied healthcare, like many professionals think they should be, ‘because it’s self inflicted’, because it is an ILLNESS, out of their control. Alcoholics are humans, and their existence is valid – and we should be helping them, in whatever way accessible to them. Treat them with as much compassion as anyone else.

My name is Lauren and I am the child of an alcoholic. My mother has been sober for 9 years now, and I am so endlessly proud of her.

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Lauren Curr is a 22 year old disabled and queer writer from Surrey, England, where they attend Royal Holloway, University of London to study English Literature and Philosophy. They identify as a non-binary lesbian and use they/them pronouns. Work frequently centres around their existence as a chronically ill and mentally ill person, traumatic upbringing and their queerness. They predominantly write poetry and pieces of political activism and run the Instagram account @holaurgraphic to do so. They are also active on twitter with the account @celestialaur.